New Beginnings

It's been a while since I blogged and for good reason. A) I didn't have this on my mobile until today, so I couldn't update on the run; B) I have been super busy!
This week seems as though it has gone on and on and on! I guess with all the excitement over quiting one job to start a new one, the pinning ceremony and graduation and then officially starting my new job, it's just made it one looooong week. It's a week I'm sure I won't forget for a very long time! So let's start:

Saturday:
Saturday was my last day at City Hospital. I worked there for a little over a year as an aid. I love my old peole and I will truely miss them. One lady said these words after I told her that it was my last day..."That just brings tears to my eyes that want to roll down my cheeks!" Now when you have someone tell you that, doesn't that just make you want to change your mind and go back?! Believe me, I have thought about it. I thought, "Oh it would be an easy transition to go from aid to nurse. I would know the people already and their routines, it would just be learning all their meds. " I knew though, that I needed change. And even that word, "CHANGE", is a big deal to me. I'm not a huge fan of it myself. However, I knew a few weeks ago as I looked around at all the old people slouched over in their wheelchairs (it's 6:30 in the morning people....I would be slouched over too!) and thought, "This is so sad.", I knew it was time for me to walk away. Walk away? How could I walk away from the people that had really truely changed my life? How could I walk away from people that I love and cherish so deeply? I walked away knowing that my time with them was done. Will I visit them? Oh yes I will! Will I miss them? Uh, yeah! Can you have a new beginning without an ending somewhere? I don't quite think so.

Monday:
I was to report to ERC at 8 in the morning. I was running a little behind b/c I was out of gas and money and oh my goodness. Anyways....I get there about 8:20 and walk in. "Hi. I'm Kimberly McBride." "Oh!!! Are you my LPN?!" "Why yes! That is me!"
ME? LPN? REALLY? Yes REALLY!!! I was immediately shown around the facility! "This is Kimberly. She's our new PRN LPN." (PRN=As needed basis)
"Why you are just the person I need to see. His mom brought him in and he has this huge knot on his head. She said he fell over the weekend. She thinks he's ok, but I don't know if he's okay. Is he ok?!"
Here it is...My first real question as a nurse and this lady is going 100 mph while she talks. My head is spinning. "Oh my gosh! You are reallly asking me this question?! Why me? Why don't you ask the nurse? I can have her look at him." Oh! Wait! That's ME! I'M THE NURSE!!! I'm the one with the answers! I'm the one that fixes all the "booboos"! That's me!!!!
"Has he been throwing up?...No?...He's fine! No biggie."
We walk a little farther and go into another room. There is a little girl in there with some injuries that are old and I get told all about it.
At this point, my head is spinning. "Oh my gosh! What did I get into?! How will I ever know everything I need to know?!"
We finally get to the point where I'm about to leave to go to another office. A teacher brings a little girl in. She has fallen and hit her head on a shelf in the room. He doesn't see anything, but wants to make sure she is ok. Thank goodness he took her around the desk to another teacher. I don't know that my head could've held more! I don't know that I would've said the right thing at that moment!
Finally, I leave.....I go to the other office.....they have no clue I'm coming, what I'm there for or anything. That's okay. I don't mind. Really. I got done there and came home and veged out for the rest of the day.

Tuesday
It's 5:30 in the morning and I'm AWAKE?! Why on EARTH am I AWAKE at 5:30 in the morning? I couldn't go back to sleep! What was that all about? Maybe my head was still spinning from the day before? No, that couldn't be it. I had veged the rest of the day. Oh! I know what it is!!! It's b/c it's GRADUATION DAY!!!! That's right folks! GRADUATION day! I had a pinning at 2 pm and a graduation ceremony at 7 pm. That's why I was awake! That's great and all, but 5:30 in the am? REALLY?!
Around 11 I started getting ready. I pressed my scrubs, got my dress together. Got my cap and gown all figured out. Got everything together and got ready. I was ready to take this day on! I was ready to walk across the stage and be pinned and have my name read, "Kimberly McBride, LPN" on the screen. The moment I have been working towards for the last 18 months. So much hard work and studying. Effort gallore! As the moment in time grew closer and closer, it began to become a reality. The reality that my gradma had planted so long ago. It was no longer a dream or a wish, but a REALITY. The reality of becoming the nurse that God had called me to become. He used my grandma to plant the seed of His will for my life. Oh how I wished she could've been here on earth with me to see this day. This day, that for so long, I wanted her to be apart of. This day that she and I talked about many years ago. It was here and she was not. I know her though. I know that she was in Heaven with my grandpa. They went to Jesus and said, "Look! See that girl walking across that stage?! She is doing your will! And you know what?! That's OUR granddaughter. That's MY namesake!" I know she had a front row seat in Heaven with Grandpa right there as I walked across that stage. She saw me become what I tried to run away from.
As the day went on, it also became reality that I wouldn't be seeing these people that I had just spent the last 18 months with on a day to day basis any more. It's hard to believe that we are going our seperate ways now. I have made friends for life with these people. We all stepped on a crazy train 18 months ago as complete strangers and stepped off that crazy train as a very dysfunctional family.

Wednesday:
My first official day at work as a LPN! Wow!!! What did this day have in store for me?! In all reality, it was learning about how things work at ERC. Had someone pull some blocks down on themselves and busted their lip. Look in the freezer...no ice! My head started spinning again..."What do I do? Ok Kimberly. Gather yourself. You can do this! You are the nurse! This is what you went to school for!" "Let me get a cool compress and we will sit right here for a few minutes." I'm sure that if I had kids, some of this might come a little more easy to me. It's not like the book. It's not like clinicals, where I worked with grown adults. These are kids who pull each other's hair and scream and cry at the drop of a hat. First day goes off with out a hitch.

Thursday:
My second day at work. Nobody came to visit me today. I guess that's a good thing when you are the school nurse. LOL! It means no one got hurt. At least not bad enough to come to my office and get a sticker for being so brave! I did, however, learn more about the role of the nurse in this facility. That includes giving breaks to the teachers. First up, 4&5 year old class.
"Bottoms in your chairs, hands to your self. Let me see your bubbles. (Bubbles in the mouth to get them to be quiet). Bottoms in your chairs, hands to yourself. Please come sit down. Please don't pull her hair. Please do this. Please do that." In my head I'm thinking, "OMG!!! This is rediculous! I can't wait to get out of this class room!!!" Next class, 3 year olds. They were doing arts! Loved it! So much quieter and relaxed! Amazing! Next class, babies-3 year olds. They were outside playing, so this was quite easy to just enjoy helping them slide and really interact with the children.
Next up: LUNCH!
I am responsible for going and picking up the lunch from the church that provides it and dishing it out to all the classes. It went okay today. It's just a matter of rationing it out appropriately for all the classes and teachers to make sure we have enough.
Next up: More breaks! Only this time, it was NAP TIME!!! Easy breezy!!!

Now do you see why my week has just been dragging on and on. So much has happened and I know there is only more to come! I'm dealing with this change quite well, I must say. :D As the weeks go on and I get more comfortable, I am sure I will be on here more, updating as I transition from "Student to LPN." For now, this is all.

The Storms that are

The storms are a brewing as I sit here and type this out. There won't be much to this post due to the impending storms. I pray for Joplin as they were hit with an EF5 tornado on Sunday. The storms that are coming this way are said to be worse than what we in NWA experienced on Sunday evening. Those were nothing short of a God given miracle of protection on NWA. I drove home in the storms Sunday night. I actually drove under a couple of the wall clouds. And let me tell you....It was the most terrifying thing I have ever done so far! They say that the core of the tornado is so still and so silent. I can attest to that. As I drove under the wall cloud that was as black as you can imagine, there was no wind, no rain, no nothing. It was calm. I thought, "Oh my! Nothing is happening." Thank God I made it home that night!

This has nothing to do with nursing school and I could try to tie it in with the end of school and everything, but I won't. I'm afraid I wouldn't have the time to do type it all out. I will say this though: My God is BIGGER than any tornado that comes my way! He is the Alpha and Omega! The Beginning and the End! First and Last is He. How great it is that I am a friend of God and He calls me friend. How great it is to know that if my life were to end tonight, that I will be in Heaven with my loved ones! Thank you Jesus for your new every day mercy! Thank you Jesus for dieing on the cross for MY sins and cleansing me and washing me clean! Thank you Lord for sending YOUR son to die for me!

I pray that the people of NWA will have the hand of protection of God over us tonight as these storms are to last til 3 in the morning. I pray that there will be no more lives lost to such a tragedy!!!
Please also pray for my family. My great grandma on my dad's side is very ill. She is in the hospital tonight and won't make it much longer. They have given her 12 hours-3 days to live. She needs surgery, but her 91 year old body just wouldn't be able to handle it. There hasn't been anyone in my family that I have ever wondered if I would see them in Heaven until now. I really don't know if I would see her again once she passes. Please just pray for peace and understanding for our family.

I thought

I thought this blog was only going to be about my last couple of months of school and the beginning of a great career. However, I love to write in journals and to write down all my feelings is better than keeping them all bottled up. Today I read a letter from a friend that is 2 years old. At the end of it he said, "Don't worry. Everything is going to be okay. Don't stress about anything." If he only knew how those words still rang true today. How did he know then that everything would be okay then and now? This friend is leaving the country soon. I don't know how long he will be gone. I don't know when I will see him again after he leaves. And in all honesty, I don't know how I am going to deal with it. You have to understand he is my best friend. I feel lonely sometimes b/c my bff lives hours away, and my close friends here are either married with kids, married, or we just have no time to hang out. He's the only one here that I know that I can talk to. Like, I know that I can talk to any of my close friends, but it's different with him. We talk about everything under the sun. And we can go with out talking for weeks or months and pick up right where we left off. That's how good of friends we are. We have talked about dating and it just wasn't right. I would pray about it and it was like God was saying that it wasn't the right time. Now, I feel like it is the right time. I just don't know how he feels. These are the things that run through my mind during class and I'm bored out of my mind. Don't get me wrong, school is getting me to where I want to be in life. My ultimate goal: A nurse. As of June 21, I will be graduated and just a test away from that goal. However, just a couple of weeks ago I had a melt down. I was ready to quit. I was ready to walk away and not look back. I was ready to just be done with school and work and find something new. And even though I was very close, and closer than some people know, I still went to work. I still went to school the next day. I'm still apart of the medical field and I know that I will totally love it when I don't have instructors looking over my shoulder and criticizing everything that I do. Until then, I am trusting God that this is what I'm supposed to do. There is so much I can put into this post. Things like how I'm tired of being a CNA, how I want to move to Florida, how I am believing God for the impossible, how when I go back to work after a week of clinicals it is very hard to not take the nurse role and only be the CNA. I will save those for later posts. I will leave you with this: "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world, remains and is immortal"~Albert Pine